Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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