fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
