yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
