There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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