We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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