My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
