Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
