I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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