I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
