A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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