And to think..we used to do everything sober...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize