We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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