i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
