he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
