party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
