Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
