Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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