Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize