He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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