bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
