Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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