my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
