david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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