Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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