The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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