just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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