why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
