there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
