It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
