It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
