you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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