Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
