I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize