Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
