You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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