That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Randomize
