i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
