the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
