I puked a lego.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
