i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
