Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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