I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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