i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
