Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
