I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
not ubering you a puppy
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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