she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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