he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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