i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
two words...techno handjob
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
