But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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