if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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