i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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