apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
