he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
