Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
we're so committed to being not committed
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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