so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
