I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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