i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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