umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
