I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
