I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
