What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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