why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
