He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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