Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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