Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
