I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
