How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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