She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
