This is not my ceiling
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
