Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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