New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
