I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I love you. Go after that dick
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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