im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
