It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
