well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
