Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize