Have you finally orgasmed yet?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
