didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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