That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He has the fingertips of a God
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