Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
