Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
