I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
