he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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