I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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