Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
