I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she told me i tasted like america
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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