final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
