nut hugger
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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