The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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