She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
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